Jenny Fields:You know, everybody dies. My parents died. Your father died. Everybody dies. I'm going to die too. So will you. The thing is, to have a life before we die. It can be a real adventure having a life.
[noticing scantily clad prostitutes]
Jenny Fields:Is that the latest fashion?
T. S. Garp:No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.
T. S. Garp:Remember, Helen.
Helen Holm:What, my love?
T. S. Garp:Everything.
Helen Holm:Yes, my love.
Roberta:I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick...
Jenny Fields:It's lust!
Jenny Fields:Are you gonna go to sleep or you gonna stay up and think your weird thoughts?
Young Garp:I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.
Walt:Daddy what's gradual school?
T. S. Garp:What?
Walt:Gradual school. Mommy say's she teaches at gradual school.
T. S. Garp:Oh Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.
T. S. Garp:[after being told he shouldn't go to his Mom's feminist memorial]I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.
[while telling Dean Bodger and her son about his father, who was a brain damaged WW2 veteran with spontaneous erections she was the nurse of]
Jenny Fields:Where was I?
T. S. Garp:He kept having erections.
Jenny Fields:Thank you. He was dying. I wanted a child. It was a good way to have one without the bother of a husband around... who had legal rights to my body. So, one night at work... when the wounded and maimed were all asleep, I went to him. He was asleep. But his erection was there, as always. I removed my undergarments and climbed on top of him. He woke up then. He said the only word other than his name that I ever heard him utter. He said, "good." It didn't take very long, and that once was all that was needed.
Dean Bodger:You raped him! You raped a dying man!
Roberta:[telling Garp he cannot go to his mother's feminist memorial]They're not going to allow any men. A man *killed* her! They're very *upset*!
Mrs. Fields:[first lines]Garp? Garp?
Jenny Fields:Yes, Garp.
Mr. Fields:Garp. Garp?
T. S. Garp:[to his mother Jenny]I never needed a father.
T. S. Garp:[to his infant son in baby carriage]Don't be a baby, Duncan! Say da-da!
[Duncan blows raspberry at Garp]
T. S. Garp:We'll take the house. Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here."
T. S. Garp:Men die young in my family, Helen!
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:[to Roberta]Hey you! Dildo. Is this the nut house where you're keeping my Laurel?
Roberta:Laurel's here but we're not exactly keeping her.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Bullshit, ya big dyke.
Roberta:I'm not a dyke. Is Laurel expecting you?
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:I'll kill you douchebag.
Roberta:That's all you men understand is violence.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Now look. I know what sort of freaks hang around here. It's a big lesbian scene.
[Garp walks on to porch]
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Ooooh, oooh, what are you the man of the house or the court eunuch. Laurel, you in there you bitch!
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Oh, I know who you are. My Laurel's not your type sweetie.
Jenny Fields:Perhaps she's not your type either.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Listen, goddammit. If you don't get Laurel's ass out here I'm gonna...
[Randy is knocked down by Roberta]
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:Randy!
Jenny Fields:Are you alright?
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:Baby, you found me.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Oh, I don't think I can drive the fuckin' car.
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:That's alright. I can drive you just never let me.
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:I guess Randy needs me.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Easy!
[In pain as Laurel helps him to the car]
Laurel - Dog's Head Mansion:Sorry baby, I'm sorry.
Randy - Dog's Head Mansion:Crazy dyke blind-sided me.