Mabel:You'll be hung!
The Pirate King:Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.
Frederic:Oh I love you. I'll always love you, come what may.
Mabel:"Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may.
Frederic:Well run. For God's sake run!
Mabel:Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things? It's a real bitch.
Mabel:Frederic, you're not gay, are you?
[clears throat and in a lower voice]
Mabel:The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
Mabel:Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
Mabel:All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin?
Frederic:I don't know.
Mabel:Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
Frederic:What? You mean Zen piracy?
Mabel:[unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset]Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty!
[to stone statue]
Mabel:Would you Harry, would you?
Mabel:Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
Frederic:I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!
Frederic:[moments after meeting for the first time]Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think I might even want to marry you.
Mabel:God, that was a short love scene!
The Pirate King:Away to the ship and hoist up that chain doodad!
The Pirate King:No, Sam. Just disappointment.
Frederic:Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
Ruth:[Grabbing onto Frederic]I've waited 20 years for this!
The Pirate King:[Pulling Ruth off of Frederic]The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
The Pirate King:[to other pirates]Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
Other pirates:[Yelling in unison]SEX!
The Pirate King:Your Birthday?
Frederic:February 29, 1859.
The Pirate King:A leap year!
The Pirate King:...and you were indentured to us...?
Frederic:until my 21st year...
The Pirate King:[interrupting]... until your 21st birthday! Leap years only happen every 4 years. Going by birthdays, you're still only 5 and a 1/4.
The Pirate King:I'm merely making you aware of it... I'll leave the rest to your... sense of duty?
Frederic:Duty and honor are all I have... that's the one good thing you taught me!
Mabel:Death before dishonor! Besides, you ever try running in one of these things? It's a real bitch!
Mabel:The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.
Mabel:You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything?
Mabel:Oh, Roger I love it.
Frederic:No, Frederic without a "k."
Mabel:Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.
The Pirate King:What's the age of consent around here?
The Pirate King:Good! I'm old enough.
[Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin]
Mabel:Frederic, what are you doing?
Mabel:My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp!
Frederic:No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made.
Mabel:Then zip it up!
[the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs]
The Pirate King:Drop it, or...
The Pirate King:Them, too!
Frederic:[sitting rubbing his back as a horse runs off]Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been at sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?
Frederic:[scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers]I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!
Ruth:By the way, was that a definite no back there?
Frederic:Ruth, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but tell me honestly. Now, compared to other women, are you beautiful?
Ruth:Oh, I've been told so.
Frederic:Ah, but lately?
Ruth:Yes, by Sam. 'Course, he was drunk.
Major-General:Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones!
Mabel:[song]If you're treadin' water and romance is on the slide/Don't you know you have to swallow somethin' more than water... it's your pride/Ah ha, a-huff and puff/Just to keep love goin'/A-ha, I've had enough/Of pumpin' and a-blowin'
Soundtrack Chorus:[song]Keep pumpin', blowin'/Keep pumpin', blowin'
Samuel:[doorbell rings]Avon calling!
Major-General:Damn cheek! With women leading our armies we'll never have a good war again.
Mabel:So true! So true.
Sergeant:[with heavy French accent]Name of the fugitive?
Mabel:[struggling to understand]Fyoog tiv?
Sergeant:[frustrated]Fugitive! F - U...
Mabel:Up yours, too, Froggy!... Oh! *Fugitive!* His name's Fredric - without a 'k.' And he's got a horse - I mean a nurse, her name's Ruth and... listen, why don't you just follow me to the castle?
Mabel:[to Pirate King]Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?