Flossie:[Roy is breaking up the gang]Roy, you aren't going to leave me alone are you? I love you.
Evil Roy Slade:[pause]Alright, who wants Flossie?
Evil Roy Slade:You know what nice is? Suppose there was a whole herd of dead cattle, dropped dead on the field, just for you. That's what nice is.'
Doctor Delp:It's part of a science called "phrenology".
Evil Roy Slade:What's "science"?
Evil Roy Slade:I ain't giving up. I've worked hard, it took me years to work my way to the bottom.
Nelson Stool:Marshall Bing Bell.
Clifford Stool:Who is it?
Nelson Stool:That's his name, you idiot!
Betsy Potter:Let's try some arithmetic. If you had six apples and your neighbor took three apples. What would you have?
Evil Roy Slade:A dead neighbor and all six apples.
Evil Roy Slade:I can't read, you dumb love of my life!
Evil Roy Slade:I learned a valuable lesson today. Never trust a pretty girl, or a lonely midget.
Evil Roy Slade:[after making a deposit]Uh, I changed my mind. Give me my money back. In fact...
[pulls out a gun]
Evil Roy Slade:Give me *everybody's* money back!
Preacher:I have kings with an ace!
Evil Roy Slade:I have threes with a gun.
Nelson Stool:I learned two valuble lessons today: never trust a dumb nephew or a... slobbering bulldog.
Doctor Delp:Try harder Roy, try to cry. If you can release one tear, it'll help you
Evil Roy Slade:I don't know how to cry.
Doctor Delp:Think. Think harder. Think about your lonely youth: no friends, no home, no warmth, no affection... cactus in your diaper
[Slade starts sobbing]
Doctor Delp:Yes! Yes, there's a tear! We're curing you!
Evil Roy Slade:Take that big fiddle out from between your legs. There are ladies present.
cello player:But sir...
Evil Roy Slade:I don't want no trouble, you just tuck it up under your chin like a fiddle's 'sposed to be played... now!
cello player:Yes sir. Right now sir.
[trying to play cello like a giant violin & smiling]
Evil Roy Slade:That's good.
Doctor Delp:This is the ultimate test! I want you to shed your weapons... & walk across the room!
Evil Roy Slade:I cain't! I don't goin' nowhere without my guns! I even take a bath with my guns!
Doctor Delp:You don't NEED them, Roy! Take them off & walk! Oh Roy, try! Take off your weapons!
[Roy removes holster]
Doctor Delp:Good!... Is that everything?
[Roy reaches up his sleeve for a knife]
Doctor Delp:Whew! Anyting else?
[Roy removes gun from his sock]
Doctor Delp:Oh, a little one, huh? Ok. Is that all?
[Roy removes a bomb from behind his back]
Doctor Delp:Oh my goodness!
Evil Roy Slade:[wobbly & sounding retarded]Ahhhhhhhhhhheeeeeee! I got... no... weapons!
Doctor Delp:[moves across the room]Walk. Here, walk to me. WALK TO ME, ROY! WALK TO ME, ROY!
[Roy staggers & falls]
Evil Roy Slade:I cain't! I cain't! I cain't do it! Cain't!
Doctor Delp:You CAN do it! Try again! Try again, Roy! Come on, Roy! Come on. Come on.
[staggers & falls again]
Evil Roy Slade:[sobbing!]I cain't do it!
Doctor Delp:You CAN do it!
Evil Roy Slade:I cain't!
Doctor Delp:Ack! Walk to me! Ohhh, Roy walk to me you sniveling little coward! Walk!
[Roy gets angry]
Evil Roy Slade:Who you callin'... A COWARD? Yeeeeeaahhh!
[gets up, lunges at Delp & strangles him]
Doctor Delp:[strangled voice]Roy! Roy, you did it. You walked without your gun!
Evil Roy Slade:Ahh... I did! A-Ha-Ha. I walked without my gun!
Doctor Delp:Oh Roy!
[hugs him mumbling 'I knew you could do it' as Roy looks awkward]
Evil Roy Slade:I KNEW he was one of them funny boys!
Marshal Bing Bell:[laughs]Slade, you've given me trouble for the last time, the reward says dead OR alive. How you wanna go?
Marshal Bing Bell:E Sharp?
Marshal Bing Bell:or B Flat? Hmm?
Evil Roy Slade:I ain't gonna kill him, I'm gonna do something a lot meaner. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
Marshal Bing Bell:[smug]What's that?
Evil Roy Slade:I'm gonna shoot this guitar full of lead.
Marshal Bing Bell:[panicking]No! No, Slade, no! No, n-n-n-not my guitar, Slade! No, it's the only thing I ever LOVED, Slade!
[runs in front of guitar & takes bullet]
Marshal Bing Bell:... 'cept ME!
Evil Roy Slade:Whoops!
Betsy Potter:I'm sad that there's so much evil in your heart.
Evil Roy Slade:It's in my heart and in my hands, in my eyes - and a lot in my feet, I love kicking!
Betsy Potter:I love you, Roy.
Evil Roy Slade:Nobody's ever said that to me before.
Aggie Potter:Move, buzzard breath!
Evil Roy Slade:THAT'S been said to me before.
Evil Roy Slade:[addressing his men]Boys, as we stand here, ready to rob our last stage, I want you to remember the five most important things that I taught you.
[Slade squats and writes the first letter of each word in the dirt with his hand]
Evil Roy Slade:Sneaking, Lying, Arrogance, Dirtiness and Evil. Put them all together and they spell "Slade!"
[Slade raises his hand to stop the cheers of his men]
Evil Roy Slade:Enough warmth.
Evil Roy Slade:Darn girl. Makes me do a lotta thinkin'. Lemme see, a brand new name... Evil John Ferguson.
Evil Roy Slade:Nah. Evil Fred Noland.
Evil Roy Slade:Nah. Evil Lee Rich.
[grins and then shakes head]
Evil Roy Slade:Nah.
[to his horse]
Evil Roy Slade:What d'you think?
Evil Roy Slade:Yer too dumb.
Evil Roy Slade:This straight life ain't for me. It's too boring. My idea of a nine to five job is nine men robbing five men!
Evil Roy Slade:Hideout.
Evil Roy Slade:Poster.
Evil Roy Slade:Teddy.
Evil Roy Slade:Nothin'. Next question.
Doctor Delp:What did you SAY?
Evil Roy Slade:I didn't say nothin'!