Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey:Let's settle this the way my ancestors did!
[Reaches for the swords hanging on the wall]
Taj:You want to exploit me economically?
Taj:As Mr. Van Wilder would say, "If you can't join them, beat them".
Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey:Roger, sometimes, the Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, likes to give a sliver of hope to the downtrodden and underprivileged to make up for their inferior haircuts and the fact they have to winter and summer in the same place.
Seamus O'Toole:What did you say your name was again?
Taj Badalandabad:Taj Badalandabad, your new head of house.
Seamus O'Toole:Taj Badalandabad. That's a quite a tongue-twister.
Taj Badalandabad:It's not that hard to say. You got it right.
Seamus O'Toole:Yeah, but I've been drinking all day.
Woman on Plane:Excuse me, is that Madamendira Bombay Hot Sauce?
Taj:No way, you know it?
Woman on Plane:I have this... thing for spices.
Taj:You have a TING?
Sadie:[staring at Simon's 11 inches]I'm surprised you don't get out more.
Sadie:No, Taj - I was talking about her vagina!
Gethin:Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad, our new head of house.
Sadie:Alright me ol' mucker, have a shake then I ain't got the clap or nothing.
Gethin:She means Handshake.
Taj:Of course, of course, Hi.
Gethin:Sadie is a cockney. It takes time to understand her words, they fit in her mouth funny.
Taj:Lucky words. You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?
Sadie:Yeah, It's alright. Blokes here are a bit stuffy here though. I mean I never thought it would be so hard finding someone worth slapping the ol' panhandle. You know, giving a blowjob. Nothing like getting your tongue around a nice fat one. Sliding it in, and out, in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. Milking it like a cow until it explodes in the back of your mouth.
Taj:Wow, I must have an amazing ear for dialects. I understood everything she said perfectly!
Taj:A surprise in the woods? Well, can you give me a second? Let me go repack my wallet real quick.
Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey:Can somebody get me a tidy-wipe?
Seamus:[offering Taj liquor]I'm sorry I lumped you in the face, mate. Fancy a sneaky quick one?
Taj:No, no, no. I think you've given me enough sneaky quick ones for the day. Thank you, Seamus.
Taj:verticle smile, scrambled eggs between the legs, sunny side up on the way to the butt
Simon:I have... I have a problem.
Taj:[to the other guys]Oh, my God, he's talking. Well, Simon, whatever you problem is, we're your friends, you can tell us.
Simon:Well, you wee, it's to do with the size of my piddler.
Taj:Your... Oh. Well, you know, it's an understood fact that a man's piddler is... Appears smaller to himself than it is in real life.
Simon:Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of. 'Cause according to me it has some 11 inches.
Taj:Come again? Figuratively.