Jacob:Martini. Dry and dirty, like my mother.
La Penis Woman:How come I never get to talk to the camera?
Jacob:Because you scare people.
Jacob:Did you know that Jesus was a black man?
La Religious Girl:Excuse me?
Jacob:Oh, yeah. Hair like wool, skin like bronze. It's in your Bible. Jesus probably looked more like Ike Turner, but without that "I'm gonna beat ya, woman" look in his eyes.
Lizzie:I fantasize about finding a man who doesn't blame my moods on my cycle!
Le Creepy Guy:I fantasize about the Olsen Twins goin' down on me.
Jacob:So you're charming and kind?
C.B.:And you're startling and male.
Jacob:There it is.