Griff:Asses aren't all they're cracked up to be.
Nico:We dunno shit about anal.
Mr. Puckov:Super-size THIS, motherfucker!
Bonnie:I was sure you lead an alternative lifestyle, the first time you did Madonna. I mean cripe! How many three year olds can say they performed her entire Blonde Ambition concert! Oh! Strike a Pose! Remember?
[Home video footage of 3 year old Nico dressed as Madonna]
Bonnie:I'd admit though, I did start to suspect a lot earlier. See how you already had that little swish in your step?
[Home video of toddler Nico wearing heels]
Bonnie:Oh yeah. You were always mommy's special boy. There you are at your first rock concert. Carol Channing was on FIRE that night. And that's the time you dressed up like Karen Black in Airport 75 when we flew to Florida! THERE'S NOBODY FLYING THE PLANE!
Nico:OK! OK! I get it!
Andy Wilson:[while being double penetrated]Queer as Folk, eat your fucking heart out!
Richard Hatch:[about to sign Nico's copy of his book]Who should I make this out to?
Nico:[flirting]Mr... Ben Dover.
Richard Hatch:[interested]Oh you beast.
Suzi:[looking at painting of Muffler's grandpa]He looks like the Marlboro Man.
Buffi:Dude's a fucking GILWAD, girl.
Suzi:What's a GILWAD, Buffi?
Buffi:[spelling]G.I.L.W.A.D: Grandpa I'd let wine and dine me, pay for bigger breast implants, and then fuck them till I come silicone.
Tiki:Oh, but this'a too many letter, Buffi. Does not'a add up.
Buffi:I am a cheerleader, Tiki, not a calculator.
Muffler:What the fuck?!
Mini-Muff:Dude, don't be a dick burglar.
Mini-Muff:[watching Andy and Mr Puckov on the internet]What's he doing?
Muffler:This one's out of my jurisdiction, kid.
Muffler:There's a website where you can tell the master what you want to do to the slave. Go to Rodzilla's Interactive Dungeon dot org.
Muffler:This is out of my jurisdiction.
Andy Wilson:Isn't anyone bottom curious?
Bonnie:What are you curious about, Andy?
Andy Wilson:Uh, we were just talking about, um, it's, uh... where do you get your hair done? Because my mom's looking for a new place.
Bonnie:Oh, thanks! I highly recommend Wal-Mart's beauty salon. Be sure to ask for Mr. Lans. He is a genius with a curling iron... and such a flirt!
Nico:See? She just doesn't *get* it.
Bonnie:You didn't come home last night. What's going on?
Nico:Mom, I think... I like guys.
Beau:Yo. I'm Beau.
Beau:So... you pitch? Or catch?
Jarod:I pitch. How about you?
Beau:Pitcher in the streets. Catcher in the sheets.
Jarod:...So, what are the chances of us playin' some ball, sometime?
Beau:What are the chances of you whackin' this ball over that fence?
Bonnie:Gosh darn that Wal-Mart sure does have a nice photo shop!
Mr. Puckov:Rodzilla... LOVES... Belgian chocolate!
Andy Wilson:[answering the phone]Rainbow Video.
Nico:[on the toilet, sweating]I'm about to explode!
Andy Wilson:Did you take the enema?
Nico:Yeah... three of them.
Andy Wilson:[laughing]Oh my god!
Tiki:Dawn make'a Tiki leaky.
Mrs. Wilson:[after finding Andy penetrating a quiche she made for him, she is horrified. Andy is awkwardly apologetic]I'm not mad at you
[picks up a can of Comet]
Mrs. Wilson:I'm mad at the crumbs!
Mrs. Wilson:This is not good! It's not clean!
[accentuates with vehement shakes of Comet]
Nico:Muffler. She does half the cheerleading squad and we can't even cop a handjob!