Malcolm:[to Andrew]Boy you are 2 kinds of crazy.
Leah Fuller:If you'd checked the schedule you would've seen that Carrie had a violin lesson, and Andrew had tutoring.
Malcolm:Tutoring? He's only 2 years old.
Carrie Fuller:Look! Big Momma even made Poncho happy!
Big Momma:What do we want Mrs. Fuller?
Leah Fuller:Umm... more butt?
Big Momma:[after giving Poncho tequila]Go on and get your tilt on.
Molly:[in response to Big Momma's breakfast]It's like out of a magazine.
Stewart:What do you think I'm trying to do, get free HBO? This stuff's hard!
Mall Old Man:[to Malcolm as he's hiding from his wife in the mall]Been there.
Malcolm:You never know when Big Momma might show up again!
Big Momma:This is a family beach not chip and dales.
Big Momma:Girl, you got a mean streak in you, and God don't like ugly.
Oshima:I'm, uh, going to have to wand you.
Big Momma:Wand me? Well, wand on. Find what you're looking for?
Big Momma:Tha-That's underwire.
Big Momma:Keeping these fun bags off the floor is a full-time job.
Big Momma:Ooh! We got a gusher! Oh, my goodness! Oh, this is the last time I feed this boy pickled pig's feet.
Fuller's Secretary, Lucy:You're going to change his diaper right here?
Big Momma:Uh, yes, but don't worry. I'll contain the seepage, okay? I just hope your hard drives are backed up.
Fuller's Secretary, Lucy:Mr. Fuller has a bathroom in his office.
Big Momma:Boy, you must be stuck on stupid!
Kevin:Uh, okay, this is, uh, Agent Kinnealy. Please advise, I just made BM in the back of a cab.
Liliana Morales:Uh, you did what in the back of the cab?
Kevin:Big Momma! I just made Big... I saw Big Momma in the back of a cab, and now I'm going to get VD... Visual data. I'm going... Never mind.
Big Momma:I'm Hattie Mae Pierce, but you can call me Big Momma everybody calls me Big Momma.