I have a cunning plan
*** This comment may contain spoilers ***
This must be close to the plot synopsis:
Man: "You know we're always saying we could use 50 million dollars?
Man: "Well I have a cunning plan."
Woman: "What's that then?"
Man: "First of all we need to find an aeronautics engineer working in aforeign country, with a child, and an encyclopedic knowledge of thelayout of a particular long-haul plane."
Woman: "Why's that?"
Man: "Well then, you see, we murder her spouse, in such a way as itlooks like an accident."
Woman: "What for?"
Man (exasperated): "Well then of course, we bribe the mortuaryassistant at the hospital into letting us place explosives inside thecasket."
Woman: "But why?"
Man: "I'm coming to that. Then we wait until the woman decides toreturn the the U.S."
Woman: "But what if she doesn't?"
Man: "She just will, okay? So anyway, when she decides to return homewe find out what flight she's on. Hopefully she is not only placed onthe type of plane of which she has encyclopedic knowledge, and flyingwith the airline of which you're a flight attendant, but also on thesame flight as her dead husband's casket. Are you following?"
Woman: "I think so."
Man:"Good, we're nearly there. Then all we need to do is falsify thechecking-in information to remove all record of her daughter, make sureshe gets on the plane half an hour before everybody else, ensure thereis a row of empty seats behind her and get me on the flight, sittingnearby."
Woman: "And then?"
Man (laughing): "Now this the cunning part. She takes the empty seats,allowing her daughter to sit in the aisle seat, then when she goes tosleep, all I have to do is steal a food trolley, stuff the daughterinto it and hide her in the hold. Oh, and did I mention that we mustensure that nobody on the entire plane sees the daughter?"
Woman: "Isn't this getting a little far fetched?"
Man (angry): "What do'you mean? It's a great plan? All I have to dothen is remove the child's boarding pass from wherever the mother iskeeping it without waking her, assist her search for the missing childin the guise of an Air Marshal, convince the captain that the woman ismad and that the child died with her father (through a forged note fromthe mortician), and wait for the mother to escape from my custody.
Man: "Because the casket can only be unlocked by her, so once she'sunlocked it I can set the timer on the explosives. From there we'rehome and dry. I merely have to recapture her, convince the captain thatshe's actually not mad but a hijacker who wants 50 million dollars andgive the Captain our account number, asking him to ensure the money ispaid straight in. Oh, Then we land, everybody gets off the plane, Ishoot the mother and blow up the daughter and nobody is any the wiser.We walk away with a cool 50 million. Simple eh?"
Never before have I wasted two hours of my life on quite such egregiousnonsense.