Clarence Darrow:The most religious people, the most righteous believers of all, are of course, the Fundamentalists, who believe that every word in the Bible is literally true, and don't want the schools or anyone else teaching anything different. Noah got two of every species of animal on the ark, including a million insects.
[Here he stops to scratch himself innocently]
Clarence Darrow:Joshua made the sun stand still so the day could be lengthened and he could finish the battle. Balaam's ass spoke to him, probably in Hebrew. Many asses have spoken, and doubtless some in Hebrew, but they have not been that breed of ass.
Clarence Darrow:[stripping off his jacket like a barroom fighter]William... Jennings... Bryan. Welcome to Tennessee, sir.
[Approaching the stand]
Clarence Darrow:You have given considerable study to the Bible, haven't you Mr. Bryan? You have written and published articles on the Bible almost weekly for fifty years... Do you believe that everything in the Bible should be interpreted literally? So when you read that the whale swallowed Jonah, you accept that literally? Was it the ordinary run of whale, or made especially for that purpose? Aaah, I see. It was a miracle. You believe Joshua made the sun stand still? So you also believe at that time the sun went around the earth? No? Then it must have been the earth he made stand still. Have you ever pondered what would naturally happen to the earth if it stood suddenly still? Don't you know it would have been converted into a molten mass of matter? Don't you care?
Clarence Darrow:Any idea who Noah threw the rope to when he docked the ark?
Clarence Darrow:You say my argument's going in one ear and out the other? I'm not surprised - there's nothing in between to stop it!
Clarence Darrow:I still believe that when I die there'll be nothing left over, neither heaven or hell. Ruby has a slightly different point of view. She believes there is a heaven and a hell, but it won't make any difference which one I go to - I'll have so many good friends in both places.
Clarence Darrow:[On the subject of scandal]The only time I was seriously concerned about things like that is when I was told that a district attorney had a picture that could have been tricked up of me leaving the home of a beautiful widow at dawn, and he planned to use it against me in court, but a friend told me not to lest it bother me. My enemies would believe the worst of me was not the photograph. my friends of known it was false. They'd know that if I'd spent the night at the home of a beautiful woman, I wouldn't have left at dawn, I'd of stayed for breakfast.
Clarence Darrow:What kind of poem do you suppose you'd get out of a glass of ice water?