Brother Geraghty:We celebrate all the religions of the world in this room, Oliver. I'm a catholic, which is the best of all the religions, really, because we have the most rules. And the best clothes. But among us, there is also a buddhist, agnostic, we have a baptist, and we have an "I don't know", which seems to be the fastest growing religion in the world.

Vincent:You never seen Abbott and Costello?

Oliver:No, sir. Are they old?

Vincent:No. They're dead. That's the oldest you can be.

Oliver:Or the youngest. Time freezes when you're dead.

Vincent:You need to defend yourself, or you get mowed down.

Oliver:I'm small, if you haven't noticed.

Vincent:Yeah, so was Hitler.

Oliver:That's a horrible comparison.

Vincent:Indeed. Making a point, though.

Daka:My water is broken!

Vincent:Call a plumber.

Oliver:What's Vin like when I'm not around?

Daka:[with Russian accent]He don't like people. People don't like him. Except cat, and you. Why you like him?

[first lines]

Vincent:So this Irish guy knocks on this lady's door and says, you know, "Have you got any, uh... Any, uh... work for me?" And she says, "Um, well, you now, as a matter of fact, you could paint the porch." But two hours later, he comes back and says, "I'm finished, ma'am, but just for your information, it's not a Porsche, it's a BMW."

[bar patrons stunned]

Oliver:He's paying me hourly.

Vincent:I'm showing him how the world works. You work, you get paid, you drink.

Maggie:You're drinking alcohol?

Vincent:...I honestly don't remember.

Vincent:A lady of the night.

Oliver:What's that?

Vincent:It's one of the more honest ways to make a living.

Ocinski:Hey, uh, your dad the one that taught you how to fight?

Oliver:No, my babysitter.

Oliver:Is that our new neighbor?

Maggie:Yep.

Oliver:It's gonna be a long life.

Maggie:[about Oliver's book]God, that's depressing.

Oliver:No, it's not. The tree was meant to give, so to be able to give everything and have nothing left is the best life the tree could ever have.

Maggie:Well, your father must think I'm a tree.

Oliver:Why would he think that?

Maggie:Nothing. Nothing.

Vincent:[to Oliver]Do yourself a favor. Get a life. Stop living mine.

Zucko:Come on, Vinny! Why do you always have to do things the hard way?

Vincent:It's more interesting.

Zucko:And a lot more painful.

Vincent:Don't ever become a pencil-pusher kid, they're spineless.

Vincent:[answering telephone]Come on, coward, try to sell me something.