Granger Woodruff:Nothing should ever hold a man back from his future.
Priya R. Sethi:It's just, something happened when I was gone. I jumped in the ocean. I got sick eating chocolates. I just fell in love.
Kit Hawksin:Look, fellas, I don't want my customers thinking what their bed was doing before they got in it.
Zia:You know you're crazy, right?
Priya R. Sethi:Hm.
Zia:What if this guy turns out to be from a bad family and kidnaps you and makes you clean their toilets and, like, clean their dirty cats and all?
Priya R. Sethi:Then he's in real trouble. I'm not a good cleaner.
Priya R. Sethi:I promise you I'll be back in two pieces.
Charlie Hendricks:May I speak, sir?
Kit Hawksin:Only to say thank you.
Charlie Hendricks:Thank you.
Kit Hawksin:You're welcome.
Charlie Hendricks:We're gonna knock your socks off.
Kit Hawksin:And then he ruins it by speaking again.
Kit Hawksin:Didn't we talk about that? Didn't I ask you not to speak so much? Didn't I tell you to learn to listen? Don't you want to be a nice boy? Didn't I tell you to be more like him?
[points to silent Japanese aide Mike]
Kit Hawksin:Here, watch this. "You hair's on fire." "But I don't WANT a Honda." Learn from this.
Kit Hawksin:Mumbai, that's the New York of India, right? I hear there's quite an explosion of jobs there.
Priya R. Sethi:I like to think of New York as the Mumbia of America, both with talented human resources.
Priya R. Sethi:I don't have time to eat your poisoned candy.
Granger Woodruff:It's just a little poison. Come on. Just one bite?
Granger Woodruff:Are you being sassy? I mean, you've been here, what, three days, and you've already picked up sass? I mean, couldn't you just take home a magnet or a T-shirt?
Kit Hawksin:Excuse me. Did you say you're looking for a young Indian girl?
Manju R. Sethi:Yes! Yes-yes. Yes.
Kit Hawksin:I think I know the girl. I should. I gave her a hotel room last night. Pretty girl. No, I'm saying, good-looking kid. Wait a minute. Is this about me paying for it? 'Cause, I'll be honest with you, I do it all the time.
Rajeev Sethi:You are the one who has kidnapped my daughter!
Kit Hawksin:Wait! Kidnapped? Take it easy. Buddy, she wanted it. She liked it.
Manju R. Sethi:Is she with you?
Kit Hawksin:No, no, no. I was with her LAST night. Tonight she's probably with a guy I know. Or maybe two. He's got a partner.
Rajeev Sethi:[finding that his son messed up the house]That's it. My children are hooligan. I've done nothing right! Just go to weeds.
Manju R. Sethi:Oh, no, please, plaease, please, one minute.
Rajeev Sethi:He is probably following the example of his sister to see who can humiliate the family more - he with the party or she who ran away to America with some stranger.
Govinda R. Sethi:Definitely the one who ran away.
Manju R. Sethi:You see, you are part of a family, and you are NOT entitled to hog all the happiness just for yourself.
Granger Woodruff:I kind of feel like James Bond. Only, I probably don't smell as good as he does.
Vij:I think you smell great.
[Granger attempts to address Rajeev in Hindi]
Rajeev Sethi:Try English, boy. You're hurting my ears.