Drayton Glass:We're looking for guys who Tweet.
Artie Decker:I'll tweet, I make any kind of noise you want.
Artie Decker:I feel 10 years younger than I am, and I look 10 years younger than that, so you're asking a 38 year old to retire.
Diane Decker:You're 38? Good, paint the house.
Turner Simmons:It's d-dirty out here.
Barker Simmons:And windy.
Artie Decker:Yeah, it's called outdoors.
Harper Decker Simmons:[with a mouthful of cake]Yogurt not like ice cream! You lied!
Artie Decker:I'm sorry! I can't take this anymore! This whole "teachable moments" of protecting their self-esteem and nobody gets punished and every game ends in a tie! All I hear is "Use your words. Use your words," but the word they never use with the kids is "No!"
Turner Simmons, Artie Decker:[watching Saw]AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Artie Decker:[pauses movie]They made 6 of these?
Alice Simmons:You threatened her violin teacher?
Diane Decker:She says threatened, I call it defending my granddaughter.
Diane Decker:You know what we are? We're the OTHER grandparents.
Artie Decker:Well we can't be all 4.
Harper Decker Simmons:[eating ice cream cake]Mom, you lied to me! Yogurt is not like ice cream!
Artie Decker:Harper, here're your sausages.
Harper Decker Simmons:Soy-sages.
Artie Decker:Soysages? Where are you, the Bronx?
Artie Decker:For the record, I was never going to actually spank Barker.
Harper Decker Simmons:But you said you were.
Artie Decker:But I didn't.
Harper Decker Simmons:But he didn't know that.
Artie Decker:That's *why* it worked.
Harper Decker Simmons:Oh.
Diane Decker:Bravo! Oh, wow! Harper, that was wonderful!
Harper Decker Simmons:I stunk.
Diane Decker:You most certainly did not!
[to Dr. Schveer]
Diane Decker:Wasn't she wonderful?
Dr. Schveer:No. This will *not* be good enough for your audition. You must practice more! When my daughter underperforms, I shun her. *This* girl should be shunned!
Barker Simmons:Carl and I wanna leave.
Artie Decker:Don't leave your seat.
Barker Simmons:You said "don't".
Artie Decker:Consider the consequences, mister.
Artie Decker:Eggless egg salad, how am I gonna know it when I see it?
Diane Decker:Dr. Schveer? I shun you, consider yourself shunned.
Mr. Cheng:My parents are Japanese, I'm Chinese, my kids are Korean and they go to a Hebrew school, oy vey!
Harper Decker Simmons:Just type in 'get to school'.
Artie Decker:Why is that easier than you just telling me how to get there?
Diane Decker:You know what grandparenting is? Second chance.